The Long Road, chapter one
by QuaxoAuto
Summary: What happens when Duo loses the closest thing to his heart?
1. The Long Road Chapter One

(We do not own Gundam W, or anything related to it. This fanfic is used for entertainmental purposes only.)  
  
'Twas a cold, still night on a small, airbase located on Earth. The year was AC 198. The stars twinkled merrily in the cold irredesence of space looming high above the sleeping inhabitants of the base. Christmas Eve was just days away, and the ex-Gundam pilots were meeting.  
  
Duo Maxwell turned over on his cot, caught restlessly in the throes of a violent dream. Somewhere within his dreams, a shrill, helpless scream rebounded in his ears. "No.. no.. no.." the eighteen year old ex-Gundam pilot whimpered softly. "Please, no.. Hilde..!! No.. NO!!" He sprang up quickly, a sheen of cold sweat covering his body.  
  
"Maxwell! Shut up!" An irratible Wufei grumped, freshly awoken by his colleague's loud screech. "Some of us are trying to sleep!"   
  
"Wufei," Quatre spoke up, as now everyone was awake, much to their dismay, "please don't yell. It's getting on my nerves. Plus," he laughed quietly, "I think Heero needs his sleep."  
  
"......." Heero rolled over soundlessly.   
  
Duo rubbed his head in confusion.   
  
Wufei snorted. "Go to sleep! It's three A.M." His voice echoed in the darkness of the small sleeping chambers of the airbase.  
  
Trowa swung his legs over the edge of his cot and stood up. "There's no sleeping now. I'm awake." He rubbed his hands over his face in a vain attempt to wipe the last traces of fatigue and disturbing dreams from his mind.   
  
"I don't wanna go back to sleep!" Duo wailed, much like a three year old instead of the young man that he was.  
  
Trowa and Quatre exchanged knowing glances as Duo murmured quietly to himself, seemingly oblivious to the others around him. He was sitting on the side of his cot, hands laying limp on his knees, staring blankly at his upturned palms. Trowa padded softly over to a small counter in the room, seeing as he was already up, and put on a kettle of water to boil, as Quatre turned on a small light. Wufei grunted and rolled over, putting his back to the invasive light.  
  
Quatre stood up and walked over to Trowa, who was busy fixing dry tea in a cup. "To soothe his nerves," Trowa muttered without turning to look at Quatre.   
  
"Do you think he's going to be alright?" Quatre sighed and looked up to his friend. "A great loss such as that is hard to get over.. but.."   
  
"He'll have to get over it," Heero intoned from his cot. "It's not as if he's the one who died. Though it might have been better in the long run."  
  
"Now, Heero.." Quatre looked at the perfect soldier's back pleadingly. Heero remained lying in the corner of the room, back to all. To the casual observer, he would be assumed asleep.   
  
Trowa shook his head sadly. "There's not alot that we can do."  
  
"Hi guys!" Trowa jumped slightly as a cold, clammy arm was placed companionably around his and Quatre's shoulders. "What's up? Tea for me?" Duo chattered. The young man's eyes were unnaturally bright and bloodshot, and his face was ghastly pale.   
  
Quatre looked a bit stirred. "Yeah, Duo. We were awake, so Trowa decided to make some tea."   
  
Trowa nodded silently and poured the boiling contents of the tea kettle in the cups.   
  
"Oh, you should have made coffee. That's what Hilde makes," Duo continued to chatter aimlessly and started to sip his cup of tea.   
  
Quatre closed his eyes painfully and forced a gentle smile onto his face. "Yes.. Duo, how are you and Hilde getting along?"   
  
Trowa sighed heavily, shoulders sagging slightly. "How's your tea, Duo? Is it too hot? Do you need an icecube to cool it down?" During this, Trowa was sending Quatre one message with his eyes. Don't press the subject of Hilde.  
  
"Yeah, me and Hilde are gettin' along great! She makes great tea, just like this. Did you take lessons from her, Trowa? Or did she make this? It must have been you, because she knows I like coffee better. You can't beat a cup of hot coffee or two after working all day at a junk yard!" Duo rambled, then blinked suddenly. Reality creeped in momentarily, and he cringed, suppressing it. "Oh, yeah," he whispered, "we better keep it down. She's asleep." Duo pointed at an empty cot lying next to his. It looked pitiful in its entirety, the essence of a dead woman imagined there.   
  
Everything went quiet momentarily. "Maxwell, go to bed," Wufei spoke up, back still turned to the light. "You need sleep," he said almost tenderly. The five boys had grown closer since Mariemaia's reign of terror.   
  
"Oh, come on Wufei! I can go without my sleep!" The babbling youth's voice cracked in the silence of the room. "Hilde an' me stay up all the time! Only she's not awake right now..." Duo grinned, but a sickly feeling seemed imbedded into the pit of his stomach.   
  
Wufei rose slowly from his cot, and walked past the young man. He gave him a sideways stare as he strode by, then gave a small grunt and shook his head as he dropped his eyes to the floor.   
  
Quatre slowly took Duo's empty teacup and set it back on the counter, then began to lead him in a firm fashion towards his cot. "Now, now, Duo... You know what time it is.. You musn't keep Hilde awake! You know she can't sleep without you." As Duo nodded and began to lie down, Quatre looked over at the others guiltily and shrugged as if to say, 'What else could I have done?'  
  
Wufei leaned over to Trowa, "Do you think it wise that Quatre persists in speaking of Hilde as if she were still alive? Isn't it hard enough on Maxwell that it takes all his energy in maintaining the delusion that the accident never happened?"   
  
Heero sighed, stood up, and ran his fingers through his wild locks of hair. Slowly walking over to the group of boys, he monotoned quietly, "It's a quater until four. Is it really the right time for this conversation?"  
  
Trowa looked up and shook his head softly at Heero. "We've put it off for too long. I think that now is as good a time as any. This in inevitable. Right now, he's in shock. But if we're not careful, he'll go mad."   
  
Quatre placed his hand on Heero's shoulder, "I understand. He needs help." He looked at the now sleeping 18 year old, then turned eyes the colour of a stormy sea to Trowa. "What can we do?"  
  
"Quatre. Quit with his charade. Don't let his fantasies become his reality. His fiancée is dead. Their unborn child is dead. Playing this game will not bring Hilde back to life. Remember that." Wufei whispered stonily, keeping his eyes on the slumbering form across the room.  
  
"Nor will it ease the pain in his heart," Heero intoned quietly. They all stared at him in surprise for a moment, then continued the conversation.  
  
Quatre's shoulders slumped, but he nodded all the same. "I guess... you're right.. I just hate seeing him in such pain. I know that pain." Images of his father, their fights, and his death flashed fleetingly across his mind's eye.   
  
Buried within his thin, army-issued blanket, Duo murmured softly in his sleep. "Can we name him Duo jr.?" Duo sighed softly, his mind sinking deeper into the entagled web of complex dreams, "I think that'd be cool."  
  
"See? Even his dreams are of her," Trowa gestured towards the sleeping youth.   
  
"She's haunting him," Heero said as he walked to his own cot. "Is there really much more to say at this point?"   
  
Wufei silently finished his cup of tea and began to traverse back to his own cot as well. "Maybe this will be better discussed in the morning."  
  
Resigning himself back to his own bunk, Quatre yawned. "We had best turn in for now. Hopefully.. Things will work out.. They must."   



	2. Memories

"No!" Hilde's hopeless, choked screams echoed flatly under the deafening roar of the falling pile of metal. Duo turned around, watching the scene as it transpired in slow motion.   
  
"Hilde?" He murmured in confusion, as the rush of heavy metal seem to overwhelm the small figure in the sort of slow motion where you know the ending result will be nothing less of disaster.  
  
"Duo!" Her final word was cut off abruptly as the world came sharply into focus for Duo, resuming its natural speed.   
  
He hadn't known that she was below him as he carelessly dug through the pile of junk. He had warned her not to come into the junkyard after they had learned that she was with child. Dropping an item that he was holding, Duo quickly darted down the small hill of metal debris, sick as in knowing what was lying beneath the wreckage.  
  
Upon reaching the area that he thought she was in, he dropped to his knees and began to dig frantically, unknowingly crying her name with tear-filled eyes. He began to become panick-stricken as no sign of life was shown. After what seemed like hours of futile digging, he realized he was holding her cold hand, gently fingering the engagement ring. "Oh no.. Hilde.. what have I done.. Hilde.. I was so stupid... I should've looked.. I shoulda known that you were there.. I love you so much.. you're not dead.. you can't be dead... you're just hurt, that's all, just hurt bad, but the baby's going to be okay.. yeah, that's it.."  
  
*~*  
  
Quatre cast a look of utter concern and worry over to Trowa as he did his best to stir Duo from his nightmare. "Trowa, help me! I can't wake him up! He's not waking up!" Quatre started to shout as he frantically shook Duo by the shoulders. Duo's body was as limp as a wet rag as his friend tried to rouse him.  
  
Duo's head rolled side to side as he murmured almost incoherently. "Hilde.. Come on, baby.. Get up.. Open your eyes, baby, please.." Reluctantly, Duo Maxwell was pulled back to his 'so-called' reality. "Mmffmm.." he voiced softly as he opened up his pure-blue eyes. Gazing into Quatre's face, he started to babble, "I had that dreamIhadthatdreamagainI HAD THAT STUPID DREAM AGAIN!"  
  
Quatre took his hands away from Duo's shoulders as the braided young man looked over to the empty cot beside of him. A look of shock crossed his worried features, but then melted away into a look of contentment. "Oh, Hilde," Duo muttered happily, "I had that silly dream again. Yeah, the one about you and that junk pile. It scares me so much, baby! I wouldn't be able to live if I lost you."  
  
Quatre walked over to the remaining three boys, leaving Duo alone to ramble idly with his 'finacée'. "He's delusional again.. The dream he's talking about.. I heard him.. tell her.. that it was about her death." The young Arabian man glanced at Trowa and Wufei. "Do any of you know anything about her death?"  
  
Wufei folded his arms across his chest, his brow furrowed in thought. "He said that.. he came home and found her dead. Maybe that is what is disturbing him. That he wasn't there to help her."  
  
Trowa nodded solemnly in agreement, a look of thoughtful concentration covering his features.  
  
Quatre looked confused for a moment. "Did he mention anything about a junk pile? He started babbling about that a few minutes ago..."  
  
Heero had his back turned to the group and was sitting on the cold, stone floor, typing fervishly. "Maybe he didn't tell us the whole story.."  
  
"What do you mean Heero?" Quatre asked softly as he opened the refridgerator and pulled out some orange juice. 9:00 sunlight streamed through the small windows and basked the sleepy group.  
  
Wufei rubbed his eyes and yawned loudly as he sombered over to Trowa. "He kept me up all night going on and on about something, hard to understand what he was saying though." The young Chinese pilot said a tad grumpily.  
  
Trowa nodded solemnly again. "Yes. He had us all up, remember?"  
  
Quatre cringed, nearly dropping the container of orange juice as a cold hand was placed on his arm. "Don't forget about Hilde! She needs it now more than ever, What with the baby and all!" Duo's voice was unnaturally cheerful, which was a feat for him, being as it was hard to get his voice more cheerful than it allready was. His eyes glittered like that of an animal trapped in a cage. They held an unnatural glassy expression.  
  
"Uh.. Uh.. Right Duo! Ok, uh.. get her a glass and I'll take care of it." Quatre shot Wufei a careful look. Wufei shook his head in turn and moved behind Duo.   
  
"This is enough." Chang Wufei said in a cold voice, he was about to put his foot down about the whole thing. "He needs to come to terms with what happened. Allowing him to think that she were alive is stupid when the truth is that she is dead."  
  
Duo's cheerful demeaner fell as suddenly as night falls on the dark side of the moon. He turned his head slowly and gazed with a mix of hate and confusion. "Who's dead? Did someone die?" He asked. It seemed as if his eyes momentarily sought then understood the truth, then they blanked over into that same glassy stare.  
  
"Just tell him. There's no use in delaying his recovery. It's been three weeks allready." Heero said in his cold monotone. He continued to work at his laptop, shielding himself from the group as only he could.  
  
"I don't know Heero, don't you think we should wait for the doctor?" Quatre said in a worried tone.  
  
"Doctor?" Duo looked to the group, his face a shade paler. "What doctor? What are you guys talking about?" He gave a furtive glance over to the empty cot, then back to the group.  
  
Trowa reached out and took ahold of Duo's hand, turning it over and exposing the freshly healed gash on his wrist. He need not to draw attention to its twin on the other arm. "You... need.. Help Duo. All we want to do is help." He looked at the group. "We have allowed this to go on for too long now, we should have stepped in sooner."  
  
"Oh! Don't worry about that Trowa, they're just tiny little scratches! I did it when I was working in the junkyard, and besides, Hilde fixed me up like new, she's great with stuff like that you know." Duo looked at his friend with an almost insane unconscious denial.  
  
::Duo my man, you're going nuts. Ever heard of the river in Egypt? It's called DE'nial.::  
  
Duo shook his head and tried to block his mental voice of sanity, though it wasn't willing to die as quickly as Hilde did.  
  
"No.. go away.." He told his appartition of normality and essence of sanity.  
  
"Duo?" Quatre asked softly.   
  
"Mmm..." Duo responded in a dull drone.   
  
Heero rose from his spot on the floor. It had taken alot for him and Duo to become friends, and now that they were, there was nothing in the world that was going to deteriorate the bond. Though Heero himself would never admit to anything as petty as mere friendships.  
  
"Come on." He said. "Your coming with us." His monotone rang flatly in the quiet room.  
  
"I ain't going Nowhere." Duo said stubbornly, casting a now feverish glare at the perfect soldier.  
  
::Up and at 'em big man! There's nothing like seeing a shrink first thing in the morning!::  
  
"Shut up." The braided youth scowled as he climbed futher back on his bunk and hopefully futher out of reach of the approaching group.  
  
"Come on Duo, we are only trying to help you." Wufei said as he moved to the corner of the cot, in attempts to block any escape.   
  
"Stoppit! Leave me alone! I don't know what you want from me!" Duo yelled as he pressed himself against the wall, a look of abject terror crossing his exhausted features.  
  
"It's allright, just take it easy." Quatre soothed gently, reaching forward and gently touching his hand to Duo's hot brow.   
  
Duo looked up to his friend. "Quatre... " He shook his head and reached out, slapping the blond boys hand away and diving past him, tangling his feet in the sheets and falling to a heap on the floor with a dull thud. "Umpf..."  
  
Voices seemed to blend together as the world went in and out of focus.   
  
::Looks like they mean business, better go with 'em.:: The essence of Duo chuckled softly within his minds ear.  
  
"No.." Duo whimpered softly as he curled into a ball on the floor. "Just leave me alone! You'll wake up Hilde!" He turned mad eyes up to Quatre as the Arabian boy pulled him up with the help of Trowa.  
  
"Sssh.. It's going to be allright Duo. Just let us take care of things."  
  
"The doctor will be waiting for us." Heero stated as he shot a glance to the clock.   
  
"That's right, we don't want to keep Dr. Todd waiting do we?" Quatre said as he pulled a now weakly struggling, confused Duo up by the arms.  



	3. Default Chapter Title

  
Resolutions.  
  
::Heh Heh. What's the matter Maxwell? Pick those feet up and Move boy!:: The essence of his old self chattered happily away as Duo was led down the narrow, yet well lit hallway to Dr. Todd's office. Trowa held his right elbow tightly as Heero did the same with his left, keeping it in a vice like grip.  
  
Long chestnut strands of hair had fallen in his face and were now plastered to his skin by a thin coating of sweat. It had been useless to struggle. There were too many of them and only one of him.. Well two of him if he counted his nagging counterpart.  
  
::Am I getting on your nerves Maxwell? Well, suits you right. How dare you deny the fact of what happened? After all that you have been through, what Right do you have to afford yourself the luxoury of pretending that she's alive? That it never happened?::  
  
"Shut UP!" Duo said through clenched teeth.  
  
"Just take it easy Duo, were almost there." Quatre soothed gently as he paused by the door. "See, here we are." He looked to his sick friend in concern.  
  
Duo looked up with amethyst eyes. "What are you doing to me...?" He almost moaned in his tired voice. His eyes turned to each face fleetingly as if too exhausted to maintain visual contact with his fellow pilots and friends for too long. "Just let me die!"  
  
"We're not going to do that." Heero said as he nodded to Quatre, giving the Arabian youth the signal to open the door.  
  
"No way! You have no control over me!" A new determination was set into the braided wonders mind.   
  
::Better hop on the boat Maxwell, cause your sinking fast! And I'll tell you one thing, you ain't taking me down with you.::  
  
"Shut up!" Duo yelled.  
  
Trowa nodded softly to Heero as if to confirm Duo's madness. Heero gave voice to a small grunt and half pulled, half dragged the struggling figure once known as shinigami into the examining room.  
  
Duo fought like a cat and cursed like a sailor.  
  
Dr. Todd looked from from a file folder that she was perusing and quickly adjusted her glasses in their rightful place. She regarded Duo with a mild form of curiousness mixed with amusement as she watched the young boys pin the patient against one of the walls.  
  
"Oh dear." She said quietly, but with no real surprise, as Quatre had had the perserverance to call ahead and explain the situation to her before hand.  
  
When all seemed quiet, she stepped forward carefully and smiled down to the slumped youth. "Hello." She said softly. "You must be Duo Maxwell. Now, if you don't mind, I would like to run some tests. Are you allright with that?"  
  
Duo lifted his chin off of his chest just enough to pierce the young woman with a deadly stare. "Lay one finger on me and I can assure you that you wont get it back." He hissed in a hoarse whisper.  
  
Dr. Todd stepped back in brief shock, but quickly regained herself. "We have to find out what is wrong Mr. Maxwell."  
  
::Ha Ha! Did you hear that? MR.! Finally! Getting the respect around here that we deserve!::  
  
"enough..."  
  
"What was that Duo?" Quatre leaned closer to his friend. Duo pinned him with and icey stare. Quatre swallowed hard and turned his gentle blue gaze to the young Doctor.  
  
"I think I would like to take some blood. I need to find out if he has consumed any drugs that may be hindering his mental state." Dr. Todd said in her soothing voice as she pulled a med-tray close to the patient. "Ordinarily, I would like the patient to be on an examing table." She looked at Duo closely. "But I think I can make an exception." Her gaze fell to Trowa and Heero, who still had their grip on his arms. "Could someone roll up one of his sleeves please?"   
  
::Uh oh! They're gonna stick ya Duo ma Man!:: The voice cackled softly. ::Good thing I'M not going to be the one to feel it.::  
  
Duo's feverish eyes followed the course of the syringe.  
  
::I know I should be helping you right now, being your subconscious and all... but dude.. didn't we always hate needles?::  
  
"Your not going to use me as a pin cushion." The braided pilot growled as she moved closer. He groaned softly as Heero applied more pressure to a sensitive nerve directly above the elbow.  
  
"This won't take but just a second, then it will be over and we can get you to a room." Dr. Todd said quietly as she approached him.  
  
::Ah man! I can't look!:: The former gentle self of the one once known as Duo complained.  
  
Every muscle in the braided boys body relaxed. He watched in wariness as she approached, cotton swab in hand to sterilize the area that was to be stuck. The coolness of the alcohol had a soothing affect and as she plunged the needle into his arm, Duo snapped.  
  
Screaming, he twisted violently into Trowa, knowing that Heero would only break him in half given but a split second. The Dr. was knocked into the perfect soldier as Duo fought, sending the med-tray flying, only to bang into the wall with a loud clatter. Instraments flew about the shiny surface of the floor.   
  
"I am still shinigami!" Maxwell yelled loudly, moving to the door with a cat like agility and exiting it swiftly. Running down the hall, he could feel the wet streams of blood running down his arm. Apon looking down, he realized that during the course of his struggles, the needle had broken off in his arm and now fresh blood was coursing through the broken piece of surgical steel.  
  
"Unh!" he said as he yanked it out, flinging it into the hallway. ::Hey! Where do you think YOUR going! Uh uh! Your not diving out Maxwell. You may run and you may hide, but you still got me pal and I am NOT going to let you kill us both. No how, No way!::  
  
"Then we shall have to see about that." Duo said as he entered the parking lot. He stood in the midst of it for a few short moments, turning a full circle and looking like a lost child. Finally, his eyes settled apon an old beat up jeep. "Perfect..." He purred softly as he made his way to it, keeping his head down so he would not look inconspicuous.  
  
::Your kidding me right? I mean.. LOOK at that thing? Can't you at least steal us something with a cool system in it?::   
  
Duo growled as he continued to hotwire the elderly vehicle.   
  
::Ah well.. guess ya can't win 'em all...::  
  
~~~~~  
  
Quatre tenderly rubbed his temple while Trowa stood above him, checking to see if the young Arabian had any extensives injuries, to which Quatre quickly shook his head no.  
  
"He just snapped. No, no, he headed east, in the direction of the maternity ward. Yes quite." Dr. Todd said as calmly as she could into the phone by the door. As soon as her young patient had bolted from the room, she had immediatly grabbed the phone off of the wall, as quickly as her bearings were found, and called security. Heero had scrambled to his feet as soon as Maxwell had declared himself Shinigami and had moved to the door. She desperatly hoped that he had found his friend.   
  
"Five foot seven, approximately 20 years of age, odd colored eyes, you could call them almost violet, or amythist. Long hair, can't miss it, it's in a braid that hangs down his back. He also should be bleeding, he broke free as I was drawing blood and the needle broke off in his arm. Yes... Yes.. I see. Thank you." She hung up the phone and turned. "Security team has been notified, your friend will be brought back."  
  
"I just hope that they don't hurt him." The blond Arabian said softly as he steadied himself against a wall. "I mean, he's been through so much allready."  
  
"Don't worry, Heero will find him." Wufei spoke, his general sullen attitude in check. 


End file.
